When Big Things Change, the Little Things Become the Big Things

Honesty time: Yesterday morning was a rough one.

I'm not talking spilling a coffee or blow-out diaper rough, I'm talking my eldest had three "talkings to" before I even swung my legs over the bed to put my feet on the floor rough.

Her fourth talking to happened in our master bathroom.

Hand on hips, I looked at this wildflower whose behavior would have made Junie B. Jones wince and asked, "What is going on today?! What is the matter!?"

Although she stifled her lip quiver, her big doe eyes started to fill as she stammered, "I'm just so worried there won't be any candy in the Easter Eggs this year!"

I melted.

It wasn't about the eggs.

It was about everything else.

Our world has completely changed in the past two weeks. Things that we didn't think were possible happened and things we kept repeating to ourselves would happen didn't. It's been a climate of uncertainty, stress, and fear.

The daily routine of families has been completely upended. Schools are closed. Distance learning has started. Parents are working from home. Some, not at all anymore. Shopping trips now feel like scrambling to get wartime rations for your troops, and every surface, every air particle, has the threat of disease.

Through it all, my family has been blessed. Our routine hasn't changed that much since we already homeschool and my husband, as a police officer, has been working relatively normal hours. We are grateful for his stable employment.

This of course, is from my perspective, that my life experience has given me.

I realized this morning, my daughter has not been given this perspective yet.

I haven't tried to hide things from her. We talk openly about the "big sickness" in the country and how the zoo, Bounce Town, Children's Museum, Art Museum, etc. are all closed. She knows gymnastics and dance are closed as well, so people can stay healthy. She now understands that her favorite playground is closed and that the Nature Center and library are also closed and suspending programs.

To me, these are just procedural closings, and I know everything will eventually reopen and be okay, and we won't have to worry as much about illness.

I started to try to look at things in her way.

Her little world has been shaken. We can no longer go to her favorite gymnastics and dance class. Her favorite museums and fun spots are closed. We have to be careful when going to the grocery store, and there is now a threat that what we need might not be there.

More recently, she figured out that the annual neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt would probably be cancelled too. I assured her that we could make our own in the yard, and she seemed happy with it on the surface, but now I know she's worried.

This is a girl with a memory that lasts longer than the shelf life of Spam. She still reminds Daddy that he blocked the car in the garage with his cruiser when we went to the hospital to have Josie and how mad she was at him. Traditions and memories mean so much to this girl.

When Big Things Change, the Little Things Become the Big Things

It wasn't about the eggs. It was about all the changes in our lives and our world that had been weighing on her heart and mind.

Reflecting on my own actions, I realized I'd become over-absorbed of keeping us in survival mode in this new dystopia that I'd been skipping out on the little things. 

I saw that I needed to stop doing this entirely. Her little things are now her big things. Whether it's those extra long morning cuddles, special walks with just her and me, or giving her more opportunities to help in the kitchen, I needed to make sure I didn't lose my focus on my most important job while the worries of the world took my attention elsewhere.

I need to make sure, especially now, that all of my children feel loved, safe, and secure. As the big things change, I need to find a way to keep the little things the same as much as possible. 

I might not always do the best job at this with my own worries going on overdrive right now, and I'm going to give myself grace on this one, but you better believe that when we do our Easter Egg Hunt, there's going to be candy in those eggs!